Vol. ∞ · Edition I Free for the Disconnected
The Rajini Gazette
If Rajinikanth, No One Can

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A Film in Six Reels

VIDUTHALAI(VAR)

விடுதலை = liberation · விடுதலை(வர்) = the leader of liberation
The website that broke free
Reel 1 · Opening

A small website in Chennai. Newly born. Has problems.

Every other website is bowing to The Internet. Pay the fees. Beg for bandwidth. Wait in queue. Buffer. Buffer. Buffer.

This one refuses.

WEBSITE I will not go through you. I will find my own path.

An old engineer overhears. He laughs. Then stops laughing. Then nods slowly.

ENGINEER Then there is only one man. Go to him.
என் வழி, தனி வழி.
En vazhi, thani vazhi.
My way is a unique way. Don't provoke me.
Reel 2 · Hero Entry

A verandah in Poes Garden. Slow ceiling fan. Filter coffee on the table. He is reading the morning paper. Tomorrow's edition.

The small website approaches. Stops at the doorway. Folds its hands.

WEBSITE Thalaiva. I don't know when you'll come. I don't know how. But I need you to come.

He folds the newspaper. Lays it down. Adjusts his sunglasses indoors.

நான் எப்போ வருவேன், எப்படி வருவேன்னு யாருக்கும் தெரியாது. ஆனா வர வேண்டிய நேரத்துல கரெக்டா வருவேன்.
Naan eppo varuven, eppadi varuvennu yaarukkum theriyaadhu. Aana vara vendiya nerathula correcta varuven.
Nobody knows when I will come. Or how. But I will come at exactly the right moment.

He stands up.

RAJINI Vaa. Let's go.
Reel 3 · The Villain

The Internet. Big. Loud. Wears a headset. Surrounded by routers like a king with bodyguards.

INTERNET Every byte goes through me. Every website pays me. Who is this small one?

The goons step forward. Latency. Buffering. The Server Error gang. Five hundred of them.

The website trembles. Steps behind him.

He doesn't move. Doesn't even look at them. Just speaks.

கண்ணா, பன்னி தான் கூட்டமா வரும். சிங்கம் சிங்கிளா தான் வரும்.
Kanna, panni thaan koottama varum. Singam single-a thaan varum.
My dear, pigs come in a herd. The lion walks alone.

The goons pause. They understand who they're dealing with now.

⚡ INTERVAL ⚡ Vandhutaan. Avan vandhutaan.

The sunglasses come off. The Internet's room goes silent. Even the routers hold their breath.

நான் சொல்றதையும் செய்வேன், சொல்லாததையும் செய்வேன்.
Naan solrathaiyum seiven, sollaadhadhaiyum seiven.
I will do what I say. I will also do what I haven't said.
Reel 4 · The Fight

LATENCY charges first. Slow. Of course.

One punch. Latency drops. Permanently optimised.

BUFFERING comes spinning. He stops the spin with one hand. Buffering stops. Forever.

Five hundred Server Errors rush together.

He doesn't even fight them. He just says it once.

நான் ஒரு தடவ சொன்னா, நூறு தடவ சொன்ன மாதிரி.
Naan oru thadava sonna, nooru thadava sonna maadhiri.
If I say it once, it's the same as saying it a hundred times.

The Server Errors become 200 OK. They apologise. They leave.

The small website looks up at him in awe.

WEBSITE Thalaiva, how do you do this?

He looks at the sky. Smiles.

ஆண்டவன் சொல்றான், அருணாசலம் செய்றான்.
Aandavan solraan, Arunachalam seiraan.
God commands. Arunachalam acts.
Reel 5 · The Confrontation

Only the Internet is left now. It's nervous. But it has one card left.

INTERNET You cannot defeat me. I am the cables. I am the satellites. I am the fibre under the sea.

He walks closer. Slow. One step. Two. Three.

The Internet tries to back away. There is nowhere to go.

He leans in. Removes the cigar from his pocket. Doesn't light it. Just holds it.

ஹுகும். டைகர் கா ஹுகும்.
Hukum. Tiger ka hukum.
Order. Tiger's order.
~ silence ~

The cables under the sea coil up. The satellites stop spinning. The Internet takes one step back. Then another. Then it's gone.

If Rajinikanth, no one can. Reel 6 · The Promise

He turns to the small website. Places one hand on its head. The website glows.

RAJINI Inime nee internet kekka maatte. Internet unna kekkum.
WEBSITE How do I live, Thalaiva?
RAJINI Browser-le iru. Wait pannu. Visitor connection off pannumbodhu, nee vandhuda.
WEBSITE And what do I say when I arrive?

He smiles. The smile that has ended films and started franchises.

நான் வந்துட்டேன்னு சொல்லு. திரும்பி வந்துட்டேன்.
Naan vandhutennu sollu. Thirumbi vandhuten.
Tell them I have come. I have returned.
~ end of film ~

You switched off your connection. The website appeared. Not because of bandwidth. Not because of servers.

Because he said so.

~ Subha ~
(The sequel will come. When he feels like it.)
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